When you understanding anger is a choice and you find strength through connection to choose differently, you experience a life of compassion and love. When would you want to know that the most fundamental human need is not food, clothing and shelter?
Most people in our society think a parent’s job is to provide food, clothing, shelter and a good education. But something is missing from that equation. Something that children want more and need more than any of those things? Love.
The basic human need is to feel understood, loved and significant in the eyes of somebody.
Children need to be held. They need to be feel like no matter what mistake they make, no matter what happens, they’re psychologically safe.
What does that look like in an argument?
The trick is to just simply ask, “Did I hear you correctly? Is this what you intended to say? Did I understand you?”
If you want to resolve an argument or a disagreement quickly, the key is to go super slow. Ask the other person multiple questions until they say, “Yes, I feel heard. I feel like you understood me.”
Live with more compassion and love
The most compassionate and loving thing I can do for another human being is to look for the spirit within their eyes, listen to them intently and fill them with positive energy.
I must care 100% about what they are saying and what they’re feeling with no need or desire to share what I’m feeling or thinking. It’s amazing what happens, not just to people but to plants and trees, animals too.
Empathy is equal to feeling understood divided by active listening. But compassion adds the art of alleviating pain from the other person. Often times being a compassionate listener takes away a lot of the pain because you can provide that person with their fundamental human needs, understanding and love.
When you actually care about this other being and they know you care about them because you’re listening, purely present, focused on them. It changes everything.